When most people think of hope they do not think of it being a problem. Let’s start by defining it. When I use hope, I mean, the confident expectation of good. Hope is not a wish. A wish is subjective, that is, it is based on one’s own feelings, desires, or thoughts. Hope is confident because it is based on a objective reason. Hope contains an expectation of good. If a person is expecting something bad to happen they do not have hope but anxiety or worry.

Much of our life depends on hope. Hope is necessary to our lives and to live the smallest amount of time without any can be overwhelming. If fact, our bodies are impacted by having it or not. Solomon’s axiom is correct, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Hope is so necessary and powerful that it leads ordinary rational human beings to willingly deny what is known to be the case or what is most likely to be the case, in order to maintain it.

Most language concerning hope is positive. Most are hopeful about hope. But hope, like trust, is not good within itself, rather, the benefit of hope is dependent on the object of our hope. The question is not do you have hope but what are you hoping in? What objective reason do you have for your confidence that good will come?

This is where hope can become a problem for it buys time and time is expensive. Hope creates a space of time where a person is willing to allow and endure negative, even painful, circumstances expecting a good outcome. Now, enduring negative and painful circumstances are necessary to our growth and flourishing. However, if we are hoping in something that is contrary to the reality of life, than we will endure negative and painful situations unnecessarily. Part of the virtue of resilience is learning, from experience, what is worthy of our hope and through this knowledge confidence comes and forges resilience.

Evaluating Our Hope

Is what you are hoping in worthy of the confidence you are giving it? We must be careful to soberly, objectively, and realistically evaluate what we are hoping in. When I started asking myself and others what it was we were hoping in, most did not know. Others who could identify what they were putting their hope in, were surprised that they did not really have any confidence that good would be the result. We often choose to be in denial of the reality about our hope because it is easier then to make the personal changes necessary to hope in what would actually work. However, to live in such denial only creates more time that you unnecessarily endure negative and painful circumstances.

There is no hope without pain for hope gives us a foundation to endure it. However, there is good pain and bad pain. Once we come to terms with this we can begin to choose good pain. Bad pain is pain as a consequence which has no immediate end in sight and usually results from avoiding reality and/or bypassing process. There is also good pain that comes from engaging in the process to adjust our lives to reality causing growth. Pain deriving from the process to come to reality has an end to it. Take for example working out. A person can have the pain of engaging in a routine or hiring a trainer, learning to be disciplined, changing eating habits, etc. which will result in our growth as a healthy person. Or a person can live in denial of reality and have pain as a result of not engaging in the process. This pain does not have an end date.

Therefore, we must first become hopeless about what is not working in order that we might become hopeful about what really does work. Hopelessness about what one has been hoping in is painful and will cause grief, but is necessary to experience hope that does not disappoint. Deceiving oneself at about the nature and reality of the object of our hope is one of cruelest things to do to one’s self.

In the kingdom of God there is always
hope for nothing is impossible with God.

Finding Hope that Does Not Disappoint

Paul, in Romans 5, writes, “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (vs. 1-5)

There is a process in this text that one can recognize and test in life. We have peace (that is God is for us) with God through Christ. This gives us access to confidence (faith) that God will act in our lives doing what we cannot do (grace) resulting in hope. As we continue in this confidence that God will act on our behalf in the midst of hard times our character is being formed. We are learning to believe certain things about God. For one always acts at the level of their beliefs. As we endure, God acts on our behalf causing rejoicing to overflow our lives; which leads to more confidence in God to act resulting in a stronger quality hope. This process continues until we have such confidence in God that we have the strongest kind of hope; hope that does not disappoint. This quality of hope is the result of the Spirit of God, through said process, pouring love for God into our hearts.

In the kingdom of God there is always hope for nothing is impossible with God. Hopelessness will be experienced by disciples, however, it does not have to become a pervasive mood. It means we must learn how to do our part of examining what is really the object of our hope. And regularly challenge if such object worthy of my confidence. Of course, God is always worthy of our confidence, but God is not always the object of our hope, even when we say He is. Often God is blamed for our denial (magical thinking) of the reality of life that God has created.

For example, take a wife who moves in with her mother in order to get away from the painful behaviors of her alcoholic husband. She desires to be married to the sober him, not the drunk him. Now, she better have some objective reasons to consider reconnecting the relationship because the husband will beg and promise to change. Such behaviors are not objective. Even him throwing away the alcohol in the house is not objective. The husband acting more loving, thoughtful, and caring is not objective. Six months of sobriety is objective. The husband getting into a support group, a sponsor, and other outside help is objective. There are healthy behaviors that communicate to us there are objective reasons to have hope this time will be different than the last. The painful thing is that it is up to the other to seek out and find help and then do it.

What are you placing your hope in? If last time you hoped for something you were disappointed, why would hoping this time be any different? What objective reasons to do have for your hope? Do you have hope or a wish? What negative reality are you enduring and why? What do you need to become hopeless about, in order, to become hopeful about what works?

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13